On Memorial Day Weekend (which means nothing here in the Dominican 😀) I did my Solo Weekend. This is a ritual I’ve developed and I execute quarterly to really get clear on where I am and where I’m going.
Let’s first start with this ..
WHAT IS A SOLO WEEKEND (AND WHY SHOULD YOU DO IT)
Boiled down, a Solo Weekend is placing yourself in solitude for a minimum of 2 ½ days with intention.
As busy as we all are day to day, we rarely get time to ourselves to think. If you just thought ‘I meditate daily’ SHUT YOUR MOUTH! 😂.
Peaceful thought for 10-20 minutes a day is helpful, but it doesn’t compare to a Solo Weekend. If anything, your daily meditation is enhanced by the Solo Weekend experience!
When we DO get alone time, we typically want to watch Netflix or Youtube, or go play golf, or ‘do’ something! Me included .. our hobbies and passions are important, and sometimes just numbing out to a movie is just what the doctor ordered.
A Solo Weekend starts by you clearly stating what you want to explore in 2 ½ days - an intention. Then you choose your spot.
- Luxury Hotel - Cabin in the Woods - Driving around for a couple of days - Trip to the beach
Whatever environment allows you to feel calm and relaxed.
A Solo Weekend is NOT a couples or mindset retreat. It’s not time at a spa for the weekend getting massages and mani/pedis. It’s time to decompress, detox your mind and get clarity.
There are 6 activities allowable. I’ll share the mandatory 3:
The objective is not to be in a zen state all weekend - your job is to give yourself and your brain space to detox. Then journal what comes up - WHATEVER comes up. As you do this, and keep your intention in mind, you end the weekend with a better sense of what’s next for you.
Not convinced? No problem. Let me share my recent Solo Weekend with you. Then decide!
MY SOLO WEEKEND
I booked a hotel called ‘4 Points by Sheraton’ that is about an 8 minute walk from my home here in the DR. It’s close enough where I can respond to a home emergency, and it’s an environment that offers limited distractions for me. I considered an all-inclusive resort, but wasn’t feeling it.
My intention was this: “Get clarity on my future vision and determine if my current activities are aligned with achieving it”
Simply put - I’m DOING DOING DOING, my previous vision has been realized and I feel ‘between visions’ at the moment. I needed space to understand what’s next for me and ensure my actions align.
I checked in on Friday afternoon. There were emails I had to send, texts I had to respond to, deliverables to my team, quick follow ups. This took most of the afternoon. And this is expected. Day 1 is there to clear things!
Then, I’ll admit .. I numbed.
I dove into YouTube and watched some podcasts and other content. I remember thinking ‘dude, get to it .. you’re delaying things’.
But then I gave myself grace and simply recalled my intention. I let that sit in my mind while I simultaneously dug into YouTube.
Around midnight, I opened my journal and started writing.
I did that until 2am. I simply started writing - whatever was in my mind.
By doing so, it cleared the clutter in my brain and closer to 2am, I started to dump some really introspective thoughts on paper.
My intention was vision, but I was being called to revisit my purpose.
I woke up at 9:30am and did a workout.
After that, I decided to meditate. I went for 50 minutes and had an incredible experience.
After that, I grabbed some food and just sat in these thoughts for a while.
I journaled more, meditated a bit, ate some more and finally felt that ‘calm’ come over me.
Then, some more journaling and contemplation before heading to bed around midnight.
By this time, I had clarity on purpose. ‘To be seen’. I even had some values that I articulated for myself:
- Connection - Family - Relationships - Influence - Personal Development
But no vision.
I did a visualization meditation that had me essentially ask questions to a ‘wishing well’ which would deliver back objects for me to consider as elements of my vision.
Pictures of my family kept coming back.
Sitting with this, journaling about it, journaling some more .. I reached this conclusion.
MY SOLO WEEKEND OUTCOME
I love putting myself out there. It satisfies my ego, but also helps others. I came to the conclusion that ‘being seen’ is truly my purpose.
At the same time, I FEAR being seen. I FEAR what comes with it. Judgment, hatred, ‘cancel culture’, etc etc.
While going through this, I was contemplating ‘what’s my vision?’ I wanted something tangible (the car, the jet, the house, the lifestyle). Something I can put on my vision board. But maybe that’s not what it’s supposed to be.
Through journaling, ‘family’ kept coming up.
So I have these things happening:
- A draw to a tangible outcome for my vision (car, house, etc) - Knowledge that ‘being seen’ is truly my purpose - Being afraid to TRULY live into my purpose (fear of judgment) - ‘Family’ keeps coming up
My epiphany came later Sunday - around 4pm (I always go home Sunday evening from a Solo Weekend but I book the hotel until Monday so I can stay past check out time)
I DO want the beach house and the ability to fly private.
I AM truly a family focused man .. I think I’ve wondered if I could truly be as happy as I feel simply being a father and husband .. and I discovered I am!
I AM best utilized by ‘being seen’ by more and more people. For my message to be broadcast well beyond where it is now.
But I’ve been thinking about people outside of my family as the focus for me ‘being seen’. When really it’s my family that needs to be the focus:
- I will set the example for them of a man that didn’t hold back - My cup is full when seen .. so I’m then more present for them - When I’m creating content (like this newsletter), the fear of being judged by others gets much smaller when I’m instead focused on how my family benefits from me ‘going for it’
This is still very raw for me, and I’m essentially journaling for thousands to see .. but what I hope this does is show you how time in solitude, time with yourself and most importantly, with an intention can create significant movement in your life.
BOILING IT DOWN
Purpose:To Be Seen
Values: - Connection - Family - Relationships - Influence - Personal Development
Vision: - Beach home in the DR - Flying private (charter or own)
Activities Today Align?: - Yes - however I’m playing too small.
Here’s the aha in all of this.
The vision isn’t achieved by wishing for those items, or ‘DOING’ more.
The vision is achieved by me becoming the person that accomplishes that vision.
For me personally - my ego, my authentic self, my family - I need to be seen to become that person.
For many, you have your vision locked in. For many of us it’s fuzzy. This time is way better spent than trying to daily meditate, cold plunge/shower and journal your way to it. Immerse yourself. Trust me!
I’ve had multiple people do this and 100% of them report back incredible benefits moving forward. We all go full out every day. We have goals but we constantly go, go, go. We put our foot on the gas .. often for an entire career! I’m asking you to give yourself 2 ½ days to stop. Set an intention. See what comes up!
Relevant Links to Explore This Topic Further:
Podcast: Tribe of Millionaires-Josh Beauvais does Solo Weekends!
Book: I’m thinking about writing The Solo Weekend - good idea?